For whatever reason I randomly began to contemplate, “What is it that we find sexy about other people? Why do we come to admire certain people? What is that certain, I don’t know…. je ne sais quoi?”
I started flipping through my mind, reflecting on lovers past, friends old and new, mentors, and role models. Sure, they’re all distinctive and unusual in their own right. Often times they’re reflections of myself as I would like to evolve or the very antithesis of who I am; either way, I have something to learn from them. But there’s something that unites them all, especially the people that I don’t actually know, per say, but certainly admire.
The conclusion I came to was happiness.
Now happiness is a difficult thing to define in itself, yet it’s undoubtedly something we can perceive on a primal level, and as a result we gravitate to it. Happy people tend to do things with a sort of lightness about them; their very presence in a room seems to lift the energy felt by all.
In my opinion, this is what makes other humans truly, fundamentally sexy. When we interact with people that are truly happy we begin to absorb some of that happiness through an osmosis-like transfer of energy. We gravitate to that energetic lift because, well, sometimes our own stores are running low or because hanging around unhappy people is just plain exhausting.
So I’m on a crusade of sorts to bring sexy back—not by changing my hair, my face, my body shape, or strutting around scantily clad. On the contrary, let’s bring sexy back by upping the happy factor. Here are a few tips I’ve picked up from my own sexy friends and role models. Try them for yourself and see if it doesn’t help to plaster a perma-smile on your face and emanate brightness and lightness from your soul! Your sexy factor might just skyrocket.
1. Joy Jar
This is an amazing, brilliant, and easy way to remind yourself of all the awesomeness you have to share with the world, and vice versa! I picked up the idea from Spark Yoga barre instructor, Leigh Ann, an inspiring and sexy female that has figured out the secret!
Upcycle an empty Mason jar into a Joy Jar by simply setting it out in a prominent place. Fill it up with small pieces of paper on which you write down great things, big or small, that happen in your life. Place each paper slip into the jar and close it up, walk away. Repeat, repeat until your jar overflows or you can set an anniversary date on which you bust it open and read over your rich life-loot!
Leigh Ann also suggested placing the Joy Jar out while hosting company. Encourage your guests to write down a recent happy moment and place it into the jar. When the time comes to read the contents of your Joy Jar you’ll come to remember the awesomeness happening in your friends’ lives as well!
2. The “whatever” attitude
This is a tricky one, because it’s not universally applicable or appropriate to respond to things with, “whatever.” When used appropriately, this is an effective technique in making yourself much happier and everyone else around you too!
A simple way to know how and when to apply the “whatever” attitude is to ask yourself this in the face of adversity: In one year will this matter? If the answer is “no” and it doesn’t involve hurting anyone… Whatever!
3. Sharpie tattoo yourself
This is a funny, but ingenious way of reminding yourself of what matters. In the process, you remind others to reflect. Your happiness will beam like a bright light all around you!
I picked up this tip from Spark Yoga instructor, Sima. She consistently has a unique and comical way of looking at things. She’s always smiling and her laughter is one of those contagious varieties, regardless of whether anything is actually funny or not. One day, Sima decided to Sharpie “tattoo” herself with the words, “I Am Awesome.”
Many of us use affirmations as a way to stay upbeat or calm down from a crisis; Sima just chose to put it out there for everyone and anyone to see. It was a bold and sexy move! Months later, I still think of it and it makes me smile.
4. Creative expression
I may be biased due to the composition of my own circle, but I find that some of the happiest and sexiest people I know are musicians, dancers, painters, sculptors, drawers, jewelry makers, poets, comedians, or general crafters. Even if you think you don’t have a creative fiber in your being, you’re probably wrong; you just haven’t discovered your thing yet!
Try to do something creative at least once a month, bare minimum. String some beads on a thread and give it away! That counts. Liberate your mind by doing something creative and expressive. You’ll no doubt discover something about yourself and your way of looking at the world. It’s sexy when people can create and be bold enough to share it, despite ridicule or risk of messing it up. Whatever!